Plateaus and Heartbreakers....that's life

You know. I've had a weight problem my whole life. I really have. I am educated. I know better. I know what causes weight gain and weight loss. I know about Jesus. I know I can trust Him to help me, but too often I try to take matters in my own hands. That's how it's been with my weight.

And My weight goes up. My weight goes down. I feel rotten when it's up. I feel better when it's down. I usually think that I have it all under control when it's down. "I will never gain the weight back" I say. One year and 40 pounds later....

My clothes don't fit!!!!! And that seems pretty horrible. Until I weigh it with the fact that my mother is dying of cancer. Then all of a sudden the clothes not fitting doesn't seem all that bad.

Isn't that just life? All of our problems may seem big to us. And they are. But then something else hits us that reminds us of what is really important.

Don't get me wrong. Gaining 40 pounds in one year isn't healthy or a good thing. At least not for me it wasn't. And it demands attention. For my health, I need to lose weight. And praise God I am. In fact, I broke a plateau this week....one that has haunted me for over a month!

But in the same week, I found out my mom's cancer is progressing. That makes me want to curse, scream, and hit someone! She's only 62. That's young, right? My husband has both of his grandmothers living....I can't be losing my mother. Please, no.

I'm not sure what the point of this blog is, except maybe to remind us that life is a gift. To waste it on a number on the scales or worrying over a jean size is just stupid! To waste it over a past mistake or sin is stupid too. God is loving and forgiving. We are created for wonderful things.

So, I broke a plateau and my heart was broken all in the same week. That is life.....I guess. I'm so glad and thankful that the Lord is there for me in the big and small. He cares about the plateaus and he cares about my heart and my family. And He takes equal consideration to both. He made me and cares about each and every part of me.

That's all I have to say tonight.

Beautiful Blessings...count them today,

Melissa

Beee-Yoooo-Tifff-Fullllll

Yep, that's how I'm feeling today. I may not look it. And no one may agree. But I feel it. And that makes me happy because it's been a long time since I really felt this good.

I haven't lost a bunch of weight. I probably don't look much different. But, I feel so good, so healthy, so happy. My mom still has cancer. My life is still chaotic. I still have loads of laundry to fold. We still are financially hurting. But, I feel better than I've felt in a quite a while.

For the last month, I've decided to not worry so much about what I weigh. Yes, I'd like to lose 30, but I asked myself, "what if that never happens?" And so I decided to just bless myself. With good health, quality time with those I love, and exercise that I enjoy.

I feel good. Better than I've felt in a really long time. Oddly enough, I am exercising almost every day...4-6 miles a day, 6 days a week. I'm eating 5 small snacks/meals a day and then a small supper. 1 multi-vitamin, my lexapro, and 8 cups of water. And a few diet colas. (I say diet cola because the "cola" is cheaper that "coke". And it tastes just as good.) The caffeine free diet cola is my treat every night.

My relationships are also in order. (for the moment) I've been working super hard on my marriage. One way I've done this is by taking "the Love Dare". It's changed me. That's all I'll say for now. I'll be writing more about "The Love Dare" later.

Do you feel beautiful? You know feelings are fickle. For so long I did not feel beautiful. And I believed my feelings. Feelings are not who you are. I know that now.

God made you. He has great plans for you. He doesn't want us to waste our time on "feelings". We are blessed. In the words of my grandpa....."hunney, you are beee yooo tifff fullll!"

Blessings Beautiful Friends,

Melissa

Going Down...but not fast enough

Who gains 30+ pounds in a year???

Why would someone gain 30 pounds in a year?

Must have significant problems, right? Must be so undisciplined for sure. Must be a pig.

Well, I gained 30 pounds in a year. And although I can't believe it happened, I know I'm none of the above.....well, a little undisciplined maybe.

It's the one thing I've continued to struggle with my whole life. My weight. I know the right answers. I don't think I can learn anything new about exercise or nutrition. However it remains a struggle. I say this jokingly, but it's true in many ways....I'm either fit or fat, and still looking for the happy medium.

Once again, I'm going down. It's not happening as fast as I'd like it to, but I'm going down. I even have a high school reunion in 2 months. Yikes!

The greatest thing about being me is that I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I am beautiful. Whether I weigh 135 (which I wish!) or 165 (which I am), I am beautiful. God made me. God loves me. I am worthy. I am whole. I am a beautiful child of the almighty king. I am loved. I am wonderfully made. I am also very human. I am flawed. I require forgiveness daily. I get many things wrong. I get a lot right too. I have failed. I have succeeded. I don't give up without a fight. I am able.

I am able to keep fighting, keep strong...because I don't quit. Sure I wish I'd lose weight faster....who doesn't? But I am not defined by a number on the scale or the size of my pants. I may wish they were smaller, but it's a minor issue.

Love who you are. You are beautiful. No matter what your shape, size, or weight.

Don't you just love to say this....."I am beautiful!" So say it.

Be Blessed,

Melissa

A Change of Heart

Hey Beautiful Girls! How are ya? I can't believe it's the first post in 2009! I honestly thought I was retiring this blog. But I just couldn't do it.

I've been struggling with the whole weight, appearance, beauty thing for my whole life. I know what's true and then my fickle feelings step in. This blog honestly was helping me more than I think it could ever help anyone else. Since I haven't written in so long, I've realized how much I've missed it. I know I'm beautiful, but I need reminded of it too. I'm beautiful not because of what I weigh or how I look, but because I am filled with the love of Christ. I am a child of God. That makes me beautiful. God made me. He made you. We are beautiful.

Here we are, February 4, 2009. It snowed in Charlotte today. Not a lot, but enough to catch us off guard and the kids to stay home from school. I continue to strive for good health. And it's paying off. I feel good. I have more energy. I have a positive attitude. I am beautiful :)

I look forward to writing again. I haven't been writing at all. I was just kind of blank for a while.

It's time for bed now. The basketball game I was watching is over. The team I was pulling for lost.

Good Night and Sweet Dreams.
Love,


Melissa

The Beauty Within

Today, the kids and I went to visit my mom. We went with her to a salon where she got her head shaved. (deep breath)

It really hit me hard watching her have all of her hair cut off. That is such a visual. A visual I will have in my mind forever. At first she had tears. But they were brief. I think she's being strong for me. And I was being strong for my kids. I could've cried easily.I told my mom today, "thank goodness you have such a pretty face!" And she does. I was so taken aback at how pretty she was with very little hair. I'm so proud of her.

Beauty really is held within. Too often I focus on my weight or some other outward appearance. But if your heart is bitter and ugly then there is no way for beauty to shine through. But if what is within is beautiful, then there is no outward appearance that can prevent it from shining through. My mother's beauty shines bright.Have a wonderful weekend.

Blessings,

Melissa

I Am Brunette!

I was in need of a change. Something new. Something to get excited about.

As you know I haven't been blogging much. Life has thrown it's curve balls and blogging has taken a back seat. The teen blog I started in August is more or less nonexistent. I keep going back and forth between this blog and my other one, www.MelissaTaylorP31.blogspot.com. I'm contemplating merging the 2. I don't know how that will work, but I'm praying about it. I guess I've bitten off more than I can chew.

My mom and I went wig shopping on Monday. Have I told you how beautiful she is? Her strength and dignity amazes me. She found a wig she likes and she indeed does look beautiful. She had her 2nd chemo treatment today. And tomorrow me and the kids are going with her...to the salon. She's getting her head buzzed/shaved. Her hair has been falling in clumps for 2 weeks. That has been so hard to watch. Everytime I see her pull out her hair, it just kills me. I am reminded that God knows every hair on our head...even the ones that fall out. And that reminds me that God is watching over my mom. He knows her every day and is with her.

My natural tendancy is to be blue and dwell on what I cannot change. I have to really fight and be intentional on believing God and trusting Him to take care of things. I read scriptures and promises from the Lord and I believe them. But I still "feel" sad and forgotten.

It's been 4 months since I got my hair cut. Now what that means is that it's also been 4 months since my roots have been done! Seriously, my hair looked like 2 totally different colors. So I decided to go for a change. This was a major change for me. I've been blonde for 7 years. My husband thought I'd look good blonde, so that's what I did. Well, I was feeling the need for a change. I got approval all around, except from my husband....My co workers thought my hair would be great brown, my friends thought I should do what makes me happy. My husband would not express his opinion. He just said, "I want you to be happy."

Well, I went. And I made a big change. I am now a brunette. Not blonde. And I've already learned that blondes do NOT have more fun! But I like it. A lot.

Thank you for your prayers. I love you and think you are so beautiful!
Love,

Melissa

An Amazingly Beautiful Girl

If I get through this post without bawling, it will be an all out miracle. I feel sad and blessed all at the same time. Grief stricken and rejoicing all at the same time. Happy for my sweet friends in Atlanta and devasted for my sweet friends in Atlanta all at the same time. Allow me to explain.

I went to college (Appalachian State University) with Robin and Chris. They were sweethearts then and are still sweethearts now. This week, they said goodbye to their oldest daughter, Alexa. She was only 11 years old.

Alexa was diagnosed with a rare form of cancer when she was only 1. For most of her life she has faced more struggle and trial than most people face in 80 years of life. Here is what her obituary read:

Alexa Grace Rohrbach, age 11, died Friday, November 28, 2008. She was a beloved daughter, proud big sister, beautiful granddaughter, dear niece, loving cousin and great friend. The world lost a brave little girl who touched many hearts. Here spirit was unmatchable and her precious smile contagious. She accepted all challenges that life threw at her and did so with unbelievable strength and heroic grace. God used her here on earth to touch the lives of people everywhere. She did so much in her short lived life. Her face constantly contained a smile with the most beautiful bright eyes, long gorgeous lashes and adorable sweet cheeks.

She battled cancer at the age of one, then had to live with all the complications from treatment including pulmonary fibrosis, scoliosis, halo traction, spinal fusion surgery, and most recently a tracheotomy and was placed on a ventilator. For years doctors, nurses and other medical staff commented that they had never seen a better patient than Alexa. She has been the face of hope for many. With faith in Jesus, fierce determination, a positive attitude and smile that would light up a room, sweet kind-hearted Alexa had fought the good fight for 10 years. Alexa still had fight in her, but her precious little body did not.

Alexa was the daughter of Chris and Robin Rohrbach and sister of Jenna from Acworth, GA. She was also the granddaughter of Alice and the late John Rohrbach and Robert and Jean Thoem, all from Marietta, GA.

http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/alexarohrbach

Her funeral was Wednesday. It was the most amazing worship and celebration. This child was so joyful and left such a legacy. She loved Jesus and He is the reason for the joy posessed while here on this earth. Her 7 yr old sister wrote a song about her and sang it at the funeral. Both of her parents spoke at her funeral. Her life was celebrated. The service ended with the song, "I'm Trading My Sorrow". Just amazing.

So Alexa Grace, you my sweet sister in Christ, up in Heaven, inspired me more than you will ever know. I want to be like you when I grow up! Your challenge to "find something to be thankful for everyday and never give up" will be something I strive to do daily for the rest of my life.

And to my friend, Robin. If you ever read this, just know, I love you so much and I can't wait to spend more time with you in the coming year. You are so beautiful. Just like your amazingly beautiful girls.

Love to All,

Melissa