Wednesday, March 25, 2009

My Mom's New Website

If you have the time or get the chance, go visit my Mama's CaringBridge website.

I'm visiting with her tonight. We are in our jammies watching American Idol :) And her pain is better! Praise God!



Tuesday, March 24, 2009

2 days, 8.4 Miles, and my feet hurt!!!!!

It's been so pretty outside lately, I've decided to take my workout outdoors. And I think Princess is happier than anyone. She loves walks. And for a 5 pound little fluff ball, she has amazed me! She had pep in her step the whole way! Me on the other hand, well that's a different story!

I've decided to challenge myself. I live in a very hilly neighborhood. I mean major hills. Major butt workage going on in these walks. Up and down. Up and down. A total of 4.2 miles. Yesterday was my first day. Funny, but my heart could take it fine. My legs were fine. I sang the whole way along with my iPod. But my feet. Oh my gosh. I don't know if it is my shoes (which I paid a lot of money for) or what, but my feet were killing me. However, I hit the pavement again today, day 2. Ooh, I love the way my buns feel climbing those hills. I could feel them gaining definition as I walked up up up. But oh my feet. I even put orthotics in my shoes and wore 2 pairs of socks today. They still hurt.

Is it because of my weight? Do I need new shoes? Any insight? Let me know, because I love my new routine, but I don't my feet to ache. The balls of my feet are killing me. I have blisters. Help!!!!

I'm taking a break tomorrow. I'm going to visit my mom. I may take her dog, Maggie, for a stroll, but nothing extreme. Thank you for continuing to pray for my mom. You just don't know how much I appreciate it.

Are you exercising? What are you doing? Do you have any help for my aching feet?

With feet elevated, I sign off tonight. Love to all who read this.



Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Still Playing the Same Ole Games

Y'all know how I feel about what real beauty is. All my life I've struggled with weight and "feeling" that I looked good enough. Oh my, if you only knew all the diets I had been on. You name it, I've been on it. And everytime I think I have it beat, it gets me again.

Weight and weight loss continues to plague me. I know my identity is in Christ. So why do I continue to struggle with my weight and appearance? I wish I didn't.

Last year, I gained between 30 and 40 pounds. So let's say 35 as an average. And I've been trying with effort to lose it. Diets, exercise.....but not much luck. Possibly I haven't been consistent. Possibly I haven't done all I knew to do to. Or maybe there's a medical problem. Or maybe I just eat too much and exercise too little. Idk. Probably that last sentence.

Even though I think I've learned my lessons. And even though when I lose weight, I always think it's the last and final time, here I go again, making the same mistakes, going through the same things yet again. The cycle repeats itself. But hey, I know I'm still matter what!

Here I am. Still playing the same ole games. Wishing there was a magic pill, potion, or solution to my problems.

But one thing I can say, I have never given up. My husband encourages me. He tells me I'm beautiful and! Samantha at work tells me that weight loss is just around the corner. Denise tells me not to give up. Donna asks me if my clothes feel better. And I keep telling myself, "I will lose weight and I will look better and I will feel better."

Why do we women continue to beat ourselves up and why do we care how we look? Why do we care what others think?

At the moment, I'm not going to try to answer this. As much as I wish I was beyond this, I'm not. Just this morning I was whining to my husband about how I haven't lost weight and how my clothes don't fit. Usually, I have wisdom to offer, but today I'm just venting. It makes me sad that I'm not beyond the desire and I care so much about the number on a scale. But also, do know, beyond the shadow of a doubt, that I am not defined by a number on a scale, or a size, or whether clothes fit or not.

Do you play the same ole games? Like me?

Just wonderin'?

Good Night. It's late and I need to rest. Just watched American Idol....wasn't Brad Paisley just awesome????? Nevermind that. Good night!



Monday, March 16, 2009

In the Weight Room (Wait Room)

Today was the first day in months that I actually decided to add weights to my workout routine. And I use the word "routine" lightly! Lately my routine has been real good one week, then not at all the next. "Life" has interfered more times than I counted on. I don't know about you, but when life interferes and knocks me off my schedule, I have a hard time getting back to it. If you've read my blog at all, you know that my mom's cancer has definitely brought a new dimension to my life that I wasn't counting on and wish would go away. Nevertheless, it is here. I need to be able to function regardless.

I entered the weight room today. By that, I don't mean a gym full of weights. I mean my den with my hand weights: 3, 5, 8, 10, and 12 pounds. First I walked with my good friend Leslie Sansone :) oh my she's more happy than I am at 5:30 am! Then I did a weight routine: bicep curls, tricep dips, up right rows, flies, and those others....that I don't know the names for. Needless to say, I am sore tonight! It's been such a long time since I've done weights and my muscles know it!

I also entered the wait room today. My muscles hate this room too. I don't know what tomorrow holds and I wish I did. Even though there doesn't seem to be a workout to adequately prepare me for this room, there is Someone Who can train me to get through this work out. My spiritual muscles get worked out here by Him. I can't prepare for it, but I can trust. It's not easy and has taken practice, but at age 42, I've learned that when I trust Him in the wait room, I can get through it.

If you've walked through cancer with someone, or any other disease or illness, you know what it's like in the wait room. I'm there with my mom now. I have to be honest. I don't like what the doctors have told us lately. But I trust the Great Physician. I trust God.

Hopefully my muscles will sharpen and my fat will lessen. And hopefully my trust will sharpen and my doubt will lessen.

Have you entered the weight room? Have you entered the wait room?

Please share if you have. Either of them. We need workouts in both rooms, the physical and spiritual.



Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Wanna See Beautiful?

The lady on the right....she is beautiful. I've known her longer than I've known anyone else in my whole life. She's my mother.
If you've kept up with my blog...this one or the other one ( you know my mom has cancer and lately she hasn't been feeling well. It's been so hard to watch her go through so much pain, but so inspiring to see her stand strong and keep hope and faith. I just love her so much. She's 62, I'm 42, and I just need her. She's the only person ever who's always been on my side. She's my #1 ally.
I'm staying with her for a few days. Her sweet hubby needed a little break and I really wanted to spend some time with her, so here I am. And I think she is so beautiful!
Beautiful Blessings,

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Plateaus and Heartbreakers....that's life

You know. I've had a weight problem my whole life. I really have. I am educated. I know better. I know what causes weight gain and weight loss. I know about Jesus. I know I can trust Him to help me, but too often I try to take matters in my own hands. That's how it's been with my weight.

And My weight goes up. My weight goes down. I feel rotten when it's up. I feel better when it's down. I usually think that I have it all under control when it's down. "I will never gain the weight back" I say. One year and 40 pounds later....

My clothes don't fit!!!!! And that seems pretty horrible. Until I weigh it with the fact that my mother is dying of cancer. Then all of a sudden the clothes not fitting doesn't seem all that bad.

Isn't that just life? All of our problems may seem big to us. And they are. But then something else hits us that reminds us of what is really important.

Don't get me wrong. Gaining 40 pounds in one year isn't healthy or a good thing. At least not for me it wasn't. And it demands attention. For my health, I need to lose weight. And praise God I am. In fact, I broke a plateau this that has haunted me for over a month!

But in the same week, I found out my mom's cancer is progressing. That makes me want to curse, scream, and hit someone! She's only 62. That's young, right? My husband has both of his grandmothers living....I can't be losing my mother. Please, no.

I'm not sure what the point of this blog is, except maybe to remind us that life is a gift. To waste it on a number on the scales or worrying over a jean size is just stupid! To waste it over a past mistake or sin is stupid too. God is loving and forgiving. We are created for wonderful things.

So, I broke a plateau and my heart was broken all in the same week. That is life.....I guess. I'm so glad and thankful that the Lord is there for me in the big and small. He cares about the plateaus and he cares about my heart and my family. And He takes equal consideration to both. He made me and cares about each and every part of me.

That's all I have to say tonight.

Beautiful Blessings...count them today,