Y'all know how I feel about what real beauty is. All my life I've struggled with weight and "feeling" that I looked good enough. Oh my, if you only knew all the diets I had been on. You name it, I've been on it. And everytime I think I have it beat, it gets me again.
Weight and weight loss continues to plague me. I know my identity is in Christ. So why do I continue to struggle with my weight and appearance? I wish I didn't.
Last year, I gained between 30 and 40 pounds. So let's say 35 as an average. And I've been trying with effort to lose it. Diets, exercise.....but not much luck. Possibly I haven't been consistent. Possibly I haven't done all I knew to do to. Or maybe there's a medical problem. Or maybe I just eat too much and exercise too little. Idk. Probably that last sentence.
Even though I think I've learned my lessons. And even though when I lose weight, I always think it's the last and final time, here I go again, making the same mistakes, going through the same things yet again. The cycle repeats itself. But hey, I know I'm still beautiful....no matter what!
Here I am. Still playing the same ole games. Wishing there was a magic pill, potion, or solution to my problems.
But one thing I can say, I have never given up. My husband encourages me. He tells me I'm beautiful and hot....lol! Samantha at work tells me that weight loss is just around the corner. Denise tells me not to give up. Donna asks me if my clothes feel better. And I keep telling myself, "I will lose weight and I will look better and I will feel better."
Why do we women continue to beat ourselves up and why do we care how we look? Why do we care what others think?
At the moment, I'm not going to try to answer this. As much as I wish I was beyond this, I'm not. Just this morning I was whining to my husband about how I haven't lost weight and how my clothes don't fit. Usually, I have wisdom to offer, but today I'm just venting. It makes me sad that I'm not beyond the desire and I care so much about the number on a scale. But also, do know, beyond the shadow of a doubt, that I am not defined by a number on a scale, or a size, or whether clothes fit or not.
Do you play the same ole games? Like me?
Good Night. It's late and I need to rest. Just watched American Idol....wasn't Brad Paisley just awesome????? Nevermind that. Good night!