Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Still Playing the Same Ole Games

Y'all know how I feel about what real beauty is. All my life I've struggled with weight and "feeling" that I looked good enough. Oh my, if you only knew all the diets I had been on. You name it, I've been on it. And everytime I think I have it beat, it gets me again.

Weight and weight loss continues to plague me. I know my identity is in Christ. So why do I continue to struggle with my weight and appearance? I wish I didn't.

Last year, I gained between 30 and 40 pounds. So let's say 35 as an average. And I've been trying with effort to lose it. Diets, exercise.....but not much luck. Possibly I haven't been consistent. Possibly I haven't done all I knew to do to. Or maybe there's a medical problem. Or maybe I just eat too much and exercise too little. Idk. Probably that last sentence.

Even though I think I've learned my lessons. And even though when I lose weight, I always think it's the last and final time, here I go again, making the same mistakes, going through the same things yet again. The cycle repeats itself. But hey, I know I'm still matter what!

Here I am. Still playing the same ole games. Wishing there was a magic pill, potion, or solution to my problems.

But one thing I can say, I have never given up. My husband encourages me. He tells me I'm beautiful and! Samantha at work tells me that weight loss is just around the corner. Denise tells me not to give up. Donna asks me if my clothes feel better. And I keep telling myself, "I will lose weight and I will look better and I will feel better."

Why do we women continue to beat ourselves up and why do we care how we look? Why do we care what others think?

At the moment, I'm not going to try to answer this. As much as I wish I was beyond this, I'm not. Just this morning I was whining to my husband about how I haven't lost weight and how my clothes don't fit. Usually, I have wisdom to offer, but today I'm just venting. It makes me sad that I'm not beyond the desire and I care so much about the number on a scale. But also, do know, beyond the shadow of a doubt, that I am not defined by a number on a scale, or a size, or whether clothes fit or not.

Do you play the same ole games? Like me?

Just wonderin'?

Good Night. It's late and I need to rest. Just watched American Idol....wasn't Brad Paisley just awesome????? Nevermind that. Good night!




Joyful said...

"Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me...I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus." Philippians 3:12-14

Ya Melissa, I get caught in the "Game of Life" too...playing the same cards over and over. I let fears and worries, situations and comparisons dictate behavior instead of bringing every thought captive.

I think because many of these struggles come on we just gain one or two pounds at a time...we think, no sweat, easy to lose later, but if not nipped in the bud that number continues to grow until it seems impossible and we're overwhelmed.

NOTHING is impossible with God. I think you are BEAUTIFUL...totally...inside and out!!! Gorgeous! Yet, because I hear your struggle and desire, I will continue to pray that the Lord will give you strength to break the cycle of defeat. God wants to give you victory in every area. We don't get there accidentally, but intentinally.

I heard Beth Moore speak once about the "war of the shores". Standing in the middle of our Jordan River...looking back and looking forward..we must make a choice. Return to what we've always we are always are...etc...or embrace the journey forward and walk with God to the Promised Land.

Asking God to help me destroy the "ole games" and create a new one that I can win with Him,

Cazandra said...

Isn't it exhausting what we do to ourselves? I mean, God knit us together, perfectly. Why is it we are never happy?

I am all about losing weight, feeling better and taking care of myself, but I try to remember, everyday, that God is happy with who I am right this moment. As long as I am glorifying Him in all that I do, isn't that what truly matters?
(I need to take my own advice :)


Anonymous said...

True Beauty by Mandisa

Do you think that a California girl is supposed to have curls and wear a jean size 3?
All the curves in all the right places, spray tanned faces just like on TV?
And we read in the gospel of Vogue that we're all suppose to dress and move and be
Visions of perfection
Such a misconception
'Cause the real connection is deeper than the eye can see

What's inside of you
What's inside of me
The hands that made the moon and stars
The mountains and the seas
Made you wonderful, beautiful, marvelously
Let the whole world see your
True beauty

Don't know much about Dolce & Gabbana
Seems like a lot of drama to me
And you can keep all your red high heels
And open-toed shoes - I'm good in my bare feet
Let's gown to the nitty gritty
Enough sex and the city
What about purity?
Skin is just the surface
The passion and the purpose that's burning down inside us
Is really what we need to see

Doesn't come in a bottle, doesn't come in a box
You can't spray it on, you can't wash it off
You can't nip and tuck, you can't sew it up
So don't waste your time
It's the love in your heart, the peace in your soul
The hope in your smile lets the whole world know
This little light - you gotta let it shine

RachTurner said...

First time commenting on your blog :-) Same struggles here. God has really impressed upon me that this year is to be the year I begin a healthy lifestyle with exercise and food choices. I'm not "technically" overweight, but could stand to lose about 10 pounds and could definitely be more physically fit. So, at 40, I wrote down my goals to accomplish this and have asked my husband and sister-in-law to hold me accountable. It's been a little frustrating because since beginning my "health program" 3 weeks ago, I've actually gained 2 pounds! Not exactly the result I was looking for :-)

I don't know you personally, but can tell from your pictures that you are a beautiful person on the outside. The words that you share from your heart indicate you are an even more beautiful person on the inside. Just take it one day at a time. Say to yourself, "with God's help, I am going to make one healthy choice today, whether that be related to exercise or food." Tomorrow, do the same thing. And then the next day do the same thing. Maybe before you know it, you will be making healthy choices all the time without thinking about it and the extra pounds will begin to disappear. For me, I have to take baby steps and do one small thing until it becomes a habit. Then, I build on that.

"The one who calls you is faithful, and He will do it."
1 Thessalonians 5:24