Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Do You Feel Beautiful?

I hope you do. Today I don't.

It's so pathetic. I know it's not from God. I know it's self pity. And I know that Satan loves to attack me in this area because I'm vulnerable.

Read here the post from my other blog. It explains a lot of how I'm feeling tonight. Just overwhelmed.

Hey. I'm blue. I really am. I was hesitant. I'm full of self pity and I admit it. It is what it is.I'm overwhelmed by so much.

My mom....y'all know about her. She's amazing and beautiful. And she's suffering in pain right now. Cancer is consuming her body. It's so hard to watch.

My dad...I've kind of neglected him lately. I haven't seen him since Christmas. His health is not good, but it's more of a daily struggle not so much a terminal thing like Mom's. He has diabetes and depression. The depression is plagueing him at the present time. Hayley Grace and I are going to pick him up tomorrow. It's his birthday and he's lonely. I'm thinking that a visit to Charlotte will do him good. While he's here he will get to go to Hayden's track meet and Dylan's baseball game and we will celebrate his birthday. Hayley Grace and I are going to get him tomorrow. I'm so thankful she's traveling with me.

My kids...all good, but they are involved in so much. Hayley Grace has CheerDance and Hip Hop, Dylan has baseball, Hayden has track, and Blake has CYC (Committed Young Christians).

My husband....Oh my, he rocks. He's been so loving and supportive of me and my feelings. God love him! He loves me. That isn't easy.

My friends....if you only knew. They have stepped in and filled in gaps that I was unaware needed filling. Cleaning my house. Bringing meals. Having my carpets cleaned (I'm sure that was the dirtiest water ever seen!). And giving of a mountain house for a weekend getaway or 2. But there are still those friends who also have many needs and are in hard places right now. I so wish I could do more.

My laundry...ugh. It's ugly. And thankfully my kids don't mind picking their clean clothes out of the clean clothes basket. Or atleast they don't complain. Or that I haven't been cooking much. Hot Pockets and Stouffers have been lifesavers!

My Work...one of the highlights of my life. I get uplifted daily from my coworkers who also happen to be great friends. They surround me with prayer. They also have been filling in for me when I can't pull my weight around the office. God bless them!!!! They make me take a break and bring laughter to my days. And I get paid!

My Speaking...God help me. I have an event in 2 weeks and I feel so unprepared. The theme is "Leaving An Eternal Legacy". This has never meant more to me than it does right now. My mom has left a legacy and I'm so aware of that now. I never was before because I had no fear of losing her. She was here. I didn't think of her as a memory. Now, I think of what I can keep of her. What parts of her I can hang on to. Her legacy is huge to me now. This event will be too. I just know God has the plans. I just wish I had them. I also have 2 other events in May. One at my family's church in Greenville, SC and one here in Charlotte where many of my friends will be in attendance.

My Email...I get so many loving emails each day. And I also receive the Proverbs 31 prayer requests each day too. It's so hard because I can't respond to all of my emails. I try, but I fail. That is hard for me. Also the prayer requests we receive each day at Proverbs is so hard. I love these people. I love them. I care for them. I wish I could respond to each one, but I can't. I do read them though. And I send them to our prayer team. But I wish I could connect with them.
Just have to trust God that He will take care of them.

So, tonight....I'm blue. I'm frustrated. I'm tired. I want to have some time alone. I want to read and write. I guess also, I'm selfish.

That's where God comes in. He provides. Whatever I need, He provides. For today. And that's all I ask.Blue for today but strength, peace, and love to make it through the day and whatever tomorrow may bring.

Thank you so much for your prayers and love.


Hey, You are Beautiful!!! Yep, you are.


Angie said...


So posting here also means I'm praying twice as much for you!!

Love to you!

Joyful said...

The party favours of self-pity are being widely used by me too. I have been blowing that same horn.

Melissa, I wrote this post 3 years ago...and no-one read it...to my knowledge. Maybe it's for you today.


Sending tons of hugs and prayers,

Marebear said...

Make sure you take care of yourself! Thanks for sharing your heart..
PS: nope I don't feel that...maybe one day I will..

Chef Diane said...


Cyber hugs sister,

Please never feel like you have to respond to any of my emails, unless you have time.
You have so much on your plate. God will give you just right amount to handle each day with HIM. It won't be easy, but He never said it would be. Just step back and take a breath. Make sure to take care of yourself. Because you are beautiful and worth it.
Hug, Hug and Hug,