Saturday, May 30, 2009

I Am Beautiful....

No I'm Not....seriously, do I really think I'm beautiful? Who is this blog fooling anyway????

I have a confession to make. I started this blog over a year ago to try and convince myself that I was indeed beautiful. I didn't feel beautiful. No one told me I was beautiful. But I knew that God made me for reason and that He truly believed in me, His creation, and that I was wonderfully made, so I must be beautiful...right?

I used to believe that I started this blog to encourage others and convince them that they were indeed beautiful. However, I have to admit, I think that is not the total truth. I'm actually trying to convince myself that I am beautiful to someone. Despite my weight gain. Despite my failures. Despite my circumstances. And I have to admit, often I make myself feel better when I write here to encourage others. But does it truly sink in?

When you read encouragement here, do you feel any different? Do you feel beautiful? Is this worth it?

Well, I can't answer for anyone other than myself, but I say "yes" is worth it.

When I look in the mirror, I am often disappointed by what I see. In fact, when I look at my life and the lives of those I love, I am disappointed by what I see. But I have hope. Hope in what God has in store. That fact alone makes me feel somewhat beautiful. It's like this.....I don't "feel" beautiful, but I "know" I am. I know I am beautiful because God made me and He doesn't make mistakes or mishaps....He creates beauty. I am a gift to the world because the Bible says "Children are a gift from God" and I am a child of God, so I must be a gift to this world from God. That's beautiful.

And I need to keep telling myself that because that is true.

Hey beautiful is so short. Much shorter that I wish it was. I can say this because my mother is dying. We don't know how much time this awesome and beautiful woman has left. She has cancer and the outlook is not good. Mom is beautiful. OMG! She's the most beautiful woman I've ever seen. And it's not from her appearance...right now that is frail, pale, bald, and sickly. It's not from her personality...right now that is weak. It's not from her talents...right now she can't get up and go anywhere or do anything special. Do you know where her beauty is?

It's from her heart. And it's crystal clear. Beauty exudes from her heart. She has loved. She has given. She has sacrificed. And it has nothing to do with how she looks or what she's done. It's what's inside.

I have struggled so long with wanting to feel like I mattered and that I was beautiful. I know that Satan would like me to think that I never mattered and that outward beauty defines who I am. Thankfully, I don't fall for that anymore. I hope you don't either.

I talk to many of you weekly that feel like you just don't measure up as a wife, mother, friend, or person. The prayer requests I receive reflect a hopeless world, hopeless marriages, lonely women, and desperate voices crying for help. Feelings of unworthiness, discontentment, and ugliness. It's so sad. And it's all lies because I promise you that your Creator thinks so much more of you than that.

I Am Beautiful....yes I am. I know it and I believe it...I really do. God made me on purpose and though I may not fulfill His every wish, He loves me anyway. I mess up big time. I get ugly and do wrong. but that doesn't define me. Christ defines me. Hallelujah! I am free, forgiven, and beautiful.

And so are you. No Matter What. No matter what anyone thinks of you or says about you. You are beautiful. I pray you know it.

Bless You,


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5 comments: said...

Are you kidding me? Melissa, you have ALWAYS been and continue to be BE-YOU-TEEE-FULLLLLLL!

From the inside, you ooze beauty onto everyone! At a glance we see the glimmer of blonde bouncing in the sunlight, then you turn your head and catch a glimpse of those deep dimples. Then, watch out! Here comes that blinding brilliant smile!

But then, She Speaks and the love of God pours from her lips like ointment on a nasty soar and hearts within her reach are touched.

That is Melissa, God's beautiful girl.

Love you my friend,

Joan Davis said...

Yes, you are beautiful, look at that picture postd on the right hand side and how can you deny it? I also see beauty on the inside just from reading you for a few weeks.

You said "When you read encouragement here, do you feel any different?" My answer, YES. As soon as I read you for the first time I went and added you to the blogs I follow because you get my struggle, my struggle to "know" that I am beautiful and wonderfully made, the fact that I start, and fail time after time, to lose weight and how hard it is to believe that my beauty is not dependent upon my weight. So thank you, Beautiful, and beloved daughter of God, that I, for one, see your beauty, the beauty that you want to share.

Melissa said...

Just FYI, the picture posted on my blog was touched up. I had a huge zit on my chin. My eyelashes are not that long. And my blonde hair is now brown....considering going back blonde....not sure. My husband prefers blonde, but it's not my natural....oh, help!

but thank you for making me feel so good. I needed it. Luann, you are too sweet. Your words made me cry.

And Joan, you knew just what to say. I praise God that anything I could write about would bless someone else. Yes, our struggles are similar and thank you for sharing that with me.

Much love,

Anonymous said...

WOW, I could not say it better than
Luann. Are you kidding me?

West Coast

Shaye said...

Yes- I feel different when I read encouragement and I SOOOO needed to read this today, even though I am 3 days late. LOL

Praying for you and your Mom. My Dad is going through cancer treatment right now...I know how you feel...
You are a beautiful woman, inside and out!!